I have to admit that this chapter is one of the last ones I wrote because it is extremely complex and applies to almost everyone (friends, parents and people who stutter). Why? Because the character development of a person and the choosing a life path are greatly determined by the friends that a person surrounds himself or herself with. Friends are such a powerful variable in every person's life that, despite all the parents' efforts to be as close as possible to their children, they can still change/determine the path a person will go through life.
I would say that this chapter is most important for people who stutter to read, but it is also very important for other people in their lives.
Parents and friends
Parents of people who stutter have a very important role in the preschool and school age of the child. I have mentioned countless times that communication between parents and children is the most important in a healthy and proper relationship, so in this chapter I put communication before everything else. You know your child stutters - you need to find out who your child's best friends are and what kind of relationship they have with him or her. In addition, it is very good to know what kind of relationship your child has with other children.
From an early age make it a habit for your child to talk to you when he or she returns from school/kindergarten. The first thing that is recommended is to talk to the child when he or she gets home, about how they spent their day at school/kindergarten:
- how did they spend the day;
- which event was the best today;
- which event was not very good;
- with whom the child played;
- were his friends at school (list the ones you know);
- with whom were they playing with during the break, which games, how did it go;
- other events (lunch, homework, etc.).
Of course, don't make it a police interrogation, but do it through jokes, play, and act interested in everything they are talking about. It's always good to include comments like "Oh, you played that, we never played that, if only I had that as a kid", which will seem to your child as if they are doing something special and great, so next time they will talk about it with more enthusiasm.
As the conversation progresses, you will be able to recognize some of the situations in which the child found him or herself and throw in an additional question on that topic and, perhaps, recognize that there has been a minor/major mocking of their speech or something like that. If you recognize such situations, try to get the child's name so you know for the future. Don't get me wrong, you're not doing this to create a negative image of the other child, but just so you know, if the teasing gets worse or goes too far, if your child has a problem with individual or group teasing at school and how you will solve such situations.
Children in elementary school and kindergarten are playful and do not fully understand what it means to hurt others, so do not take any taunting at that age personally or allow yourself to think that the other child is bad or mean because it almost certainly is not. Children then are simply too young to understand such things and mocking, joking, teasing are completely normal things at that age.
What to do if bullying affects my child?
The first thing you should do is, of course, be positive and not show that it is something very bad and awful. Try to explain to the child that this is normal at school and that everyone makes fun of somebody at school, try to ask the child if someone else has ever made fun of someone. Also, joke about it and say that you were also mocked at school and that it didn't affect you that much and that it will pass with time.
If the mocking and teasing continues, you will notice from looking at your child to which extent the mocking has reached. Of course, you as a parent, will see when it's time to do something about it. If it is only one child, you can always have a nice talk with his or her parents and explain that your child stutters and that mocking has a very negative effect on him or her. If it is about group teasing, you should consult with the teacher.
True friends
The topic of true friendship is very deep and complex and I don't plan to go into it too deeply, instead I will dedicate this chapter to friendship through the eyes of a person who stutters and focus only on things related to stuttering.
First, I will try to list some characteristics and actions of a true friend of a person who stutters:
- when he sees that you want to say something, buy, look for something, but you just can't start a sentence and give up, he will jump in and say it for you;
- if someone is teasing you (whether it is supposed to be an innocent joke or a mean one) and if your friend sees that it bothers you, he or she will jump in and start mocking the other person (of course it's not nice to mock others back, but let's be realistic - children do it and it's normal) ;
- they will always listen to you until the end of what you want to say;
- they will never force you to perform actions that make you uncomfortable;
- they will sometimes laugh at your stuttering and make you laugh too;
- they will try to help you with your speech, even though you know it's not helpful;
- they will give you advice on how to speak, even though you know it doesn't make sense;
- they will try to cheer you up after the "crisis" you had after oral exams or speaking in general.
The worst thing you can do is to shut in and not allow anyone to be your close friend. Don't look at your stuttering as a "taboo", something that shouldn't be talked about. Rather, talk about that topic as much as possible, with as many friends and acquaintances as possible, don't be ashamed of stuttering. How can your friends help you if you don't tell them how you feel, what bothers you, what actions or events you avoid, etc.?
Let others laugh at your stuttering. Yes, let them and let it be funny for you too! Don't be so protective of stuttering and take every laugh as an insult, but look at it from a different angle - stuttering can be very funny! Don't begrudge your friends if they laugh when you get stuck in your speech and make some weird and funny sounds.