I often mention this saying and I strongly believe in it. As the saying itself goes, it's not just about stuttering, but about most things that happen in life. It is not easy to be positive in some difficult moments, but we will focus on those less difficult actions, which cumulatively can mean a lot and take our morale and way of thinking in a completely different direction - positive.
Of course, it is not enough to just say to yourself "I will be positive from tomorrow" and then do nothing. A word itself means nothing without action. Throughout this chapter, we'll talk about smaller but very important actions you can take to feel better. It is important to emphasize that it is not the result of the action that matters, but the action itself.
People often think that every action must immediately have a successful result, but they rarely think that the action itself is a successful step and it is not the result that matters, but the positive thought directed towards that action.
Action: presentation of the seminar
We have already talked about such positive actions before - seminar presentation. The following example belongs to a more advanced action/result example.
We will use this example because it is our ultimate goal, how we should feel after doing something which is for us very difficult and demanding. We should be objective and think about what result we want to achieve. Of course, our brain is persistently telling us and sending the information "You must do the presentation without stuttering!"
Are we really ready for such a result? In 99% of cases we are not, so we shouldn't have such high expectations. We stated that we should move forward by taking small, positive steps and not strive for something that cannot be achieved overnight. With such an approach, the result of the action will be a negative thought, and this is what we want to avoid.
Goal: to feel proud after the presentation
We will set a goal, something that we can achieve ourselves regardless of the end result. Let's mentally prepare ourselves that all we ask for from that action is a sense of pride. We stood in front of 30 people, we presented a seminar, and that is what we will be proud of. We said to ourselves and to our stuttering, "You will not bring me down today" and we will feel fulfilled.
We have done something that takes a lot of courage and all we ask in return is a sense of pride. Nothing more. Nothing less. Did we stutter? It doesn't matter, that's not the result we're focused on. We are only taking into account whether we were brave or not and we succeeded!
Simple examples of actions and the goal results
From this list you can see the examples of specific actions and goals, from the easiest to the most complex ones. You can try to do the ones you are ready for and write observations. Every action must have a positive outcome and the observations you write can even be self-critical, but not negative.
For example, it may happen that you successfully completed an action and you feel great, but you noticed that you ran out of air very often during the conversation. In that case, write that you will work on it next time.
You can also write any other note about something you noticed and in that way define small tasks for each individual action that you will pay special attention to next time. You should not look at these small remarks as a failure, but as small challenges that will improve your speech.
The point of these exercises is to understand that every action can and should always have positive results, you just have to "learn" to recognize them. There is no negative result in any of the listed actions, regardless of how much you stuttered when performing them. What should be looked at is whether you managed to achieve the desired goal.
Do you feel better after the action? If not, why? In 99% of the cases the problem is in the approach and your expectations, which is understandable if you have just started practicing these exercises. Admit to yourself if your expectations were too high or you did not prepare well before performing the exercise and firmly decide to try again, with a more positive approach.
Don't forget, it will probably be quite difficult at first, but with time you will get used to it and it will get easier. It is very important to be persistent and systematically monitor the results.
"But why do that if we're not going to stop stuttering this way?!" – is the next question. You may not immediately stop stuttering or reduce it, but you will subconsciously develop positive thinking after performing a stressful action. Remember Mr. Lovett's book and neuroplasticity.
When you "train" positive thinking, it will become more and more normal for you, and when positive thoughts arise from such situations, it is very likely that stuttering will also decrease because you will "chase away" those old, negative thoughts that were lurking at every opportunity to crawl into your brain and tell you that you worth less than others.
If you take on such thinking over time, it will not only be easier to speak, but your approach to life in general will be easier. Suddenly, you will no longer worry so much about the "stupid things" happening around you and who is talking about you behind your back. Living with less stress also means living a much happier and more fulfilled life.
In conclusion, no matter how severely you stutter - the most important thing is to stay positive. The exercises you do are only there to "push" you towards such thinking. The exercises do not have to be the same as mentioned earlier, you can come up with them yourself, but it is important to understand that the goal of each exercise should be simple and - positive.
Stuttering will never go away if you constantly have negative thoughts. That's the first thing you need to change. When positive thoughts start coming, only then can you work on your improvement of speech. How to improve speech? You yourself know very well what you miss the most when you start stuttering:
- Don't think about what you're going to say! Don't plan and repeat in your head how you are going to say something, just say it!
- You run out of air. If you don't think about what you're going to say, it shouldn't even happen to you. Talking should be natural, not forced and programmed.
- You cringe and start having tics (closed eyes, clenched fist, hand tapping, etc.) Relax, relax the muscles in your face, let your brain control your speech and don't force it!
- Exercise every day! When you wake up, you often have the impression that you cannot speak immediately and that your whole face is "shrunk". If you are uncomfortable doing it in front of someone, go to a room where you will be alone and tell what you plan to do today. Relaxed and controlled. Focus on your speech completely!
- Use „crutches"!